Mowing My Scalp

Don't you love grass? It grows...you mow it down...it grows...you mow it down...if it stops growing, you buy fertilizer to make it grow...then you mow it down...if you don't have any grass at all, you buy a load of sod...you lay the sod...you water the sod...and then...you mow it down.

It's the same with thing with hair. Some guys will spend thousands of dollars to get a full head of hair. Then they will pay a barber good money to cut it off.

I shave my head...I usually do it every couple of days..It's quick and painless...well...it's painless most of the time. There was one instance in which I was taking a late night bath and decided to go for a quick head shave at the last minute. Evidently, I was either partially sleep or just not very accurate, because I ended up a bloody mess. If someone had walked in and saw the water in my tub, they'd have sworn that "Jaws" had just claimed another victim...they'd have also screamed and told me to put my clothes on...but back to my original point..

I shave my head because it feels good, especially in the summer time..it's easy to maintain...it's quick to clean...I never have to pay to have it whacked off (a barber would starve to death if he depended on my business)...and maybe most importantly, no one will ever know if I naturally lose all my hair...Yes, there's great dignity in voluntarily being bald...I'll never be that pitiful guy with three strands of hair combed over an otherwise bare scalp, trying to hide his shame.

Some women like guys with shaved heads...Of course, some don't...I guess I can understand the ones who don't. I don't particularly care for a bald headed girls, either.

I once went out with a girl who informed me rather quickly that she "couldn't stand" a shaved head...That's not a promising thing for a bald guy to hear on a date...She did, however, express her sincere appreciation that I didn't wear my Hooters cap to dinner...I guess that would have been in bad taste...To make things worse, we had just ordered our food, so I was already committed to paying the bill.

Actually, she's a very sweet girl...I just hope that when I see her again, I'm wearing my Hooters cap and Coyote Ugly t-shirt, for good measure.

All in all, baldness is a wonderful thing...Some great people throughout history have been bald...Jesse Ventura...Mr. Clean...George Foreman, in his later years..Daddy Warbucks...along with many others...Plus, our number one symbol of pride and strength in this country is the majestic bald eagle.

So shave it off...be proud...and laugh every time you see a ridiculous "Hair Club For Men" commercial.